My husband was
five years younger than me. When he left,
I vowed that was the last time I would ever date a younger man. I said to myself that no matter what ever
happened, and even if I was single for a million years, and even if the guy could
poop rainbows and cry unicorn tears, I would never do it again.
And yet, my now
long-term partner is twelve years younger than me.
I’ve dated
younger guys since I was 21. It has
never been a conscious decision to do so; it just happens. Also, believe it or not, I have never
consciously pursued a man younger than me – it has always been them that have
done the chasing. I’m often referred to as a cougar, or a cradle snatcher, but
it doesn’t offend me as I know it’s not me that does the snatching.
As a teenager,
I always dated guys that were too old for me.
My parents freaked, my brothers wanted to beat them up - I didn’t see
the big deal … and then one day something just changed.
I didn’t
change it – I’ll have you know. I have
never wanted to date someone younger than me.
I find the whole idea quite strange.
Yet for some reason, younger guys seem to like me and we just seem to click.
Now it’s not
like I date the first guy that shows interest in me; in fact I’m quite picky
and it takes me ages to find someone I like.
Also, I am a serial relationshipper – I never see the point of one night
stands, so I (mostly) choose carefully. I
admit to being somewhat shallow in this respect in that I have a very specific
type, physically. However I also am a sucker for guys who make me laugh and especially
kind men with big hearts. I can’t resist
it!
Often I have
sat and wondered what on earth it is that the kind-hearted younger guys actually
see in me. I have become quite cynical and mistrusting through my experiences of life (hell, I grew up in a city that has fifty murders a day!).
Seldom do I take things at face value and I often fly into a multitude of analysis
when people quotes statistics and facts at me, always looking for the holes in
the theories, and I am hellishly opinionated
(my whole family is)!
I’m
a meanie!
On the other
side of the coin, men my own age don't get involved with me or even show
interest - and the ones that do, don’t fit my type, or are total douche bags.
Is that because of my difficult personality? Is it because they have lived long
enough to have their own experiences and know to stay well clear: the sense to
know what challenging looks like? Perhaps that’s what attracts the younger
ones? Maybe their whole video game culture makes them enjoy the dare? Who
knows?
I’ve been
asked a few times if dating younger is all it’s cracked up to be. I can tell
you that it’s not. For starters, there
is the generation gap. The ideas,
hobbies, music, and general outlook on life of the younger generations are odd and I don’t get
it. This means constant disagreements on
even the simplest things. Then there is
the angst-ridden cr*p that comes with being younger … and the sulking – I won’t
even begin to tell you how bad that can be.
I remember my mid-twenties. Heck, I was a total asshole back then.
At times I
feel really cruel because younger people are full of optimism about stuff that
I have long since learnt is absolutely worthless and feel I need to voice this. They are only just learning awesome stuff
about the world – things I have been through already and now find quite boring
and often deploy the famous ‘Yes, dear’ technique.
In dating
younger, I am consciously cutting myself off from the likelihood of my partner
teaching me something about life; it means that I am almost always the teacher and
never the learner. It often also makes
me feel insecure – I mean I am sharing with my partner the last of the best
years of my physical appearance, right? If
we break up in 3 years’ time, I will be 40 and full of wrinkles (or Botox!). Not
him. He’ll still have his entire thirties
to meet someone new, while I will be destined to die alone with my cats.
But here’s the thing. Age is insignificant. Not in the sense that 18 year old creeps say
when they are dating 13 year old girls – my partners and I have always been
consenting adults, but rather in the sense that somehow my partner and I just
seem to fit. Age is NOT just a number,
believe me when I say it definitely counts.
However, my partner’s boundless optimism seems to take the edge off my cynicism;
his playful personality reminds me that it’s okay to still have fun, and his tantrums
and sulkiness remind me that there are problems in this world that are so much
more serious than whatever silly thing we are arguing about – and therefore our
relationship makes me grateful to be alive.
My relationship is about equilibrium
and stability. My partner and I have
been together for two years. In all that
time, although I have a list of gripes as long as my arm (as I’m sure he does
too), I’ve always felt safe with him. There are many things he is not (and
neither am I), but what he brings to the table is tolerance, kindness and loyalty
– three things that seem almost impossible to find in this world.
So maybe relationships don’t
always have to be ‘normal’ to work.
Perhaps looking for Mr or Mrs Perfect is not the path to happiness, and
the American Dream is as empty as ‘Of Mice and Men’, but find your happiness
somewhere. I’m not certain (and am somewhat
doubtful) that my guy will stay forever – I mean the age difference is crazy,
but I enjoy the journey because it’s our experiences of life that make it
awesome, right? Whatever it is that you want in life, jump in with both feet,
because standing on the side of the pool smelling the chlorine is never worth
it.
